Fifth Avenue Forum

(Un)Inspired by the Greatest Accomplishment Thread, heretofore is the Most Embarrassing Moment Thread.

First one that comes to mind also has a sad backstory. My former boss' son unexpectedly passed away at the age of 12*. I had left the company a few months before, but of course attended the funeral. At the receiving line, I went to give my boss a hug (we are both tall) and clocked his wife in the head with my elbow. Never met her before, so here I was apologizing and consoling her at the same time.



*He actually played on Dan Bylsma's son's hockey team. I think the Pens did something for him like wear red ribbons during practice or similar.

- An ex and I were in San Diego (she had a work thing, I was tagging along). For post-dinner entertainment, we decided to spice things up and so we went out on the balcony of the hotel room. About 20 seconds after, erm, commencing with said entertainment, we realized that the balcony next door was full of people. Cheering people. Yahoo.

- One of the guests at our wedding was a former co-worker of Mrs Tif. The two of them had gone on vacay together to Thailand about six months before we started dating, but I had never met the lady. Turns out, she's quite the little package, petite but fairly busty. She was wearing a black spaghetti strap dress at the wedding, and when we went around to say hey to everyone at the reception, she stood up to give us hugs. When I reached my arm around her shoulders, the strap on her dress broke. Like *poing!*, just popped off. Her dress drooped a little, but nothing was exposed. However, she sort of squealed as she reached up to grab the dress, and in doing so hit my other hand, knocking it into her chest. By this, point, enough people had heard her and turned to look, so all they saw was the groom's hand reaching out to this squealing woman's boobs. Mrs Tif looked at me, shaking her head, and was like, "We literally just got married....." She knew what was what, and was teasing. But it was still super awkward.

- An ex and I were in San Diego (she had a work thing, I was tagging along). For post-dinner entertainment, we decided to spice things up and so we went out on the balcony of the hotel room. About 20 seconds after, erm, commencing with said entertainment, we realized that the balcony next door was full of people. Cheering people. Yahoo.

- One of the guests at our wedding was a former co-worker of Mrs Tif. The two of them had gone on vacay together to Thailand about six months before we started dating, but I had never met the lady. Turns out, she's quite the little package, petite but fairly busty. She was wearing a black spaghetti strap dress at the wedding, and when we went around to say hey to everyone at the reception, she stood up to give us hugs. When I reached my arm around her shoulders, the strap on her dress broke. Like *poing!*, just popped off. Her dress drooped a little, but nothing was exposed. However, she sort of squealed as she reached up to grab the dress, and in doing so hit my other hand, knocking it into her chest. By this, point, enough people had heard her and turned to look, so all they saw was the groom's hand reaching out to this squealing woman's boobs. Mrs Tif looked at me, shaking her head, and was like, "We literally just got married....." She knew what was what, and was teasing. But it was still super awkward.

Dude... That first story, none of them were Mrs. Tifs coworkers were they? Now *that* would be awkward.

TIL that Vinko Bogataj is still alive and living in Slovenia.

My first physical, as a highly hormonal and pubescent teenager, was with a younger, moderately attractive female MD. I was a nervous wreck, and was concentrating most of my willpower on preventing an unfortunate....rise in circumstances. Every man has been there at least once in their life. I was so focused on preventing this, that I was barely listening to what the doc was saying or asking me to do as she proceeded through the physical exam.

Ironically, my steadfast determination to prevent that embarrassment manifested a far more humiliating situation. It was time for the famous hernia check. At this point, my 14 year old mind was on overdrive, and I'm pretty sure my ears were ringing. Perhaps, for that reason, when she asked me to turn my head and cough, my reeling brain heard something completely different. Something that I inexplicably did without questioning my own hearing.

I was 27 until I learned my older sister's middle name.

My entire life I thought it was Marie. Turns out it isn't. It's Merie, which apparently sounds more like Murry than Marie. Oh well. Now I know.

- An ex and I were in San Diego (she had a work thing, I was tagging along). For post-dinner entertainment, we decided to spice things up and so we went out on the balcony of the hotel room. About 20 seconds after, erm, commencing with said entertainment, we realized that the balcony next door was full of people. Cheering people. Yahoo.

Almost the same thing happened to Mrs. Robbie and I on our honeymoon. Our room had a private balcony, or so we thought. We were enjoying the breeze together when the balcony next to us had some people lean over the wall to say hello. Like a flash of lightning I took off inside while my wife just covered herself with a towel. The guy next door said, "That's alright, we like to 'relax' out here too."

- An ex and I were in San Diego (she had a work thing, I was tagging along). For post-dinner entertainment, we decided to spice things up and so we went out on the balcony of the hotel room. About 20 seconds after, erm, commencing with said entertainment, we realized that the balcony next door was full of people. Cheering people. Yahoo.

Almost the same thing happened to Mrs. Robbie and I on our honeymoon. Our room had a private balcony, or so we thought. We were enjoying the breeze together when the balcony next to us had some people lean over the wall to say hello. Like a flash of lightning I took off inside while my wife just covered herself with a towel. The guy next door said, "That's alright, we like to 'relax' out here too."

Dude....!

My first physical, as a highly hormonal and pubescent teenager, was with a younger, moderately attractive female MD. I was a nervous wreck, and was concentrating most of my willpower on preventing an unfortunate....rise in circumstances. Every man has been there at least once in their life. I was so focused on preventing this, that I was barely listening to what the doc was saying or asking me to do as she proceeded through the physical exam.

Ironically, my steadfast determination to prevent that embarrassment manifested a far more humiliating situation. It was time for the famous hernia check. At this point, my 14 year old mind was on overdrive, and I'm pretty sure my ears were ringing. Perhaps, for that reason, when she asked me to turn my head and cough, my reeling brain heard something completely different. Something that I inexplicably did without questioning my own hearing.

This is the story about the time, with the doctor holding my bits and pieces, I turned my head to the right and cawed. Yes, I cawed like a crow, to the immediate, soul-crushing laughter of the doctor and probably the rest of the practice by the end of the day. Thank God the Internet wasn't much of a thing back then.

About two years ago, I was doctor shopping. Had heard great things about the UCLA system, so I wanted to go to a local affiliated office. There was one about a mile from my office, so I set up an appointment and just asked for whatever doctor was taking new patients. I show up for my physical and to establish care, and whatnot, when in walks a 6' blonde woman who could've been a model. I don't normally go for blondes, but she was undeniably quite pretty. Anyway, she introduced herself as my new doctor, and we started down the list of past ailments I indicated on my paperwork. She starts the physical, checking my vitals and such, then she goes, "So the full physical includes a testicular exam", and my stomach cratered. I think 100% of the color left my face. Then she goes, "I'll step outside to give you a minute to take off your jeans and underwear."

I seriously have never felt more self-conscious in my entire life. So this statement:

Every man has been there at least once in their life. I was so focused on preventing this, that I was barely listening to what the doc was saying or asking me to do as she proceeded through the physical exam.

I am 100% there with you, bro.

This gentleman dropped two fly balls in the same inning of a high school baseball game. Definitely not the norm and probably the low point of this gentleman's athletic career.

I once threw my glove at a blooper up the middle.

That happened to me five years ago. She must have just been out of residency. Well needless to say I was at full attention. Incredibly embarrassing at that moment.

Back in law school I was experiencing some groin pain, and I went to see a urologist about it. In order to check and see if I had a prostate infection, I necessarily had to undergo a prostate exam. The urologist mentions that he has a med student, and would I mind if the student also does an exam under his supervision. I figure, what the heck, I'm already going to be lubed up for one finger up my butt—what's a second one at this point? The med student was a drop-dead gorgeous woman. Bend over and spread 'em!

That happened to me five years ago. She must have just been out of residency. Well needless to say I was at full attention. Incredibly embarrassing at that moment.

Though I did get her number and we went on several dates after...

Did you take her golfing and hit your first 350 yard drive too?

We had a BASE wide 5 mile run at cherry point the night after my squadron's marine corps ball one year. The same one that got the entire USMC banned from the Hampton inn, so it was...quite a party.

Everyone was either still drunk or hungover, including me, who had at one point the night before (for some reason)started talking to the base general with a foil wrapped baked potato stuffed down my blues jacket.

About midway through I darted off into the trees because a storm was coming and could not be stopped. With no TP around, I had to use my shirt, making me the one shirtless marine on cherry point when the same general met us at the end of the run.

He asked where it was of course, which is bad enough (it's a big deal to get called out by someone that high of a rank) and everyone around me yelled out that I s*** In the woods. he was not amused, and neither was any other officer in my squadron.

That happened to me five years ago. She must have just been out of residency. Well needless to say I was at full attention. Incredibly embarrassing at that moment.

Though I did get her number and we went on several dates after...

Did you take her golfing and hit your first 350 yard drive too?

Mrs. Robbie and I were going out on a date one night and I thought I'd surprise her for the "after party" and go commando. I nearly got the beans above the frank. Never again will I go commando.

3rd grade

We had lunch in the All Purpose Room. Usually 2-3 grades at a time. There was a stage on one end of the room. On this day our assistant principal, Mr. Atha, was sitting there. There are 2 'fat kids' in the room. You know the ones. The ones that are really big. I was one and a kid named Jimmy E. was the other.

Now, Mr. Atha was a rather rotund man himself. He gets on the microphone, in front of everyone, and says "If anyone doesn't finish their lunch they can just put it up on the stage and PFiDC and Jimmy E can come eat it."

Yeah....most embarrassing moment of my life I think. And Mr. Atha never worked in that school district again. Turns out he was hammered too.

You had a great lunch though, right?

Fantastic! Some kid didn't finish his PB&Banana....DELISH!!

Not a moment per se, but I used to have a mullet. It was dynamic, the girls loved it, but man was it fugly. I blame Jagr and Lemiuex and their perms flowing out the backs of their helmets as my inspiration.

I bet Jagr goes commando.

Met a girl at a party in slippery Rock

Hung out with her all night, things didn't really escalate past 1st base... However we fell asleep on the same couch together

I went home that morning and we exchanged numbers....

Saw her at a funeral 3 weeks later

"Algernon, meet your cousin Stacy, I don't think you've ever met"

Turns out she was my great uncle's brothers daughter's niece

Not even close to blood related but I wasn't going to tell anyone but she eventually spilled some of the beans and every one had a nice laugh

Dude... That first story, none of them were Mrs. Tifs coworkers were they? Now *that* would be awkward.

No, thankfully.

Are these really your most embarrassing moments?


I have a ton of embarrassing moments that are way too embarrassing to post on here...