bad jokes thread
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bad jokes thread
Why haven't aliens visited our solar system yet?
bad jokes thread
I submitted ten puns to a contest to see if any would make the finals.
bad jokes thread
oh ****
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bad jokes thread
I get a thrill out of stealing kitchen utensils.
I guess you can say I'm a whisk taker.
I guess you can say I'm a whisk taker.
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bad jokes thread
What's the difference between Donald Trump and a worm?
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bad jokes thread
Stop, thief!What's the difference between Donald Trump and a worm?
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bad jokes thread
I still have yet to hear that song.
bad jokes thread
*bum*
*bum*
*bum*
*bum*
*bum* *bum* *bum* *bummmmmmmm*
I feel bad that you never played GTA: Vice City my man.
*bum*
*bum*
*bum*
*bum* *bum* *bum* *bummmmmmmm*
I feel bad that you never played GTA: Vice City my man.
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bad jokes thread
I played a bit. Played a ton of GTA V.
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Vice City is tits.
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bad jokes thread
We were going to say something funny about the big steer, but
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bad jokes thread
Three guys are walking through the woods when they find a lamp. One of them picks it up, rubs it, and out pops a Genie.
It booms "You have finally freed me after all these years, so I'll grant each one of you 3 wishes."
The first guy immediately blurts out "I want a billion dollars." POOF, he's holding a printout that shows his account balance is now in fact 1,000,000,003.50
The second man thinks for a bit, then says "I want to be the richest man alive." POOF, he's holding papers showing his net worth is now well over 300 billion.
The third guy thinks even longer about his wish, then says "I want my left arm to rotate clockwise for the rest of my life." POOF, his arm starts rotating.
The Genie tells them it's time for their second wish. The first guy says: "I want to be married to the most beautiful woman on earth." POOF, a stunning beauty wraps herself around his arm.
The second guy says "I want to be good-looking and charismatic, so I can have every girl I want." POOF, his looks change and the first guy's wife immediately starts flirting with him.
The third guy says "I want my right arm to rotate counter-clockwise until I die." POOF, now both his arms are rotating, in opposite directions.
The genie tells them to think very carefully about their third wish.
The first guy does, and after a while says "I never want to become sick or injured, I want to stay healthy until I die." POOF, his complexion improves, his acne is gone and his knees don't bother him anymore.
The second guy says "I never want to grow old. I want to stay 29 forever." POOF, he looks younger already.
The third guy smiles triumphantly and says "My last wish is for my head to nod back and forth." POOF, he's now nodding his head and still flailing his arms around.
The genie wishes them good luck, disappears, and the men soon go their separate ways. Many years later they meet again and chat about how things have been going.
The first guy is ecstatic: "I've invested the money and multiplied it many times over, so me and my family will be among the richest of the rich pretty much forever. My wife is a freak in the sheets, and I've never gotten so much as a cold in all these years."
The second guy smiles and says "Well, I built charities worldwide with a fraction of my wealth, I'm still the richest guy alive and also revered for my good deeds. I haven't aged a day since we last met, and yes, your wife is pretty wild in bed."
The third guy walks in, flailing his arms around and nodding his head, and says: "Guys, I think I f*cked up."
It booms "You have finally freed me after all these years, so I'll grant each one of you 3 wishes."
The first guy immediately blurts out "I want a billion dollars." POOF, he's holding a printout that shows his account balance is now in fact 1,000,000,003.50
The second man thinks for a bit, then says "I want to be the richest man alive." POOF, he's holding papers showing his net worth is now well over 300 billion.
The third guy thinks even longer about his wish, then says "I want my left arm to rotate clockwise for the rest of my life." POOF, his arm starts rotating.
The Genie tells them it's time for their second wish. The first guy says: "I want to be married to the most beautiful woman on earth." POOF, a stunning beauty wraps herself around his arm.
The second guy says "I want to be good-looking and charismatic, so I can have every girl I want." POOF, his looks change and the first guy's wife immediately starts flirting with him.
The third guy says "I want my right arm to rotate counter-clockwise until I die." POOF, now both his arms are rotating, in opposite directions.
The genie tells them to think very carefully about their third wish.
The first guy does, and after a while says "I never want to become sick or injured, I want to stay healthy until I die." POOF, his complexion improves, his acne is gone and his knees don't bother him anymore.
The second guy says "I never want to grow old. I want to stay 29 forever." POOF, he looks younger already.
The third guy smiles triumphantly and says "My last wish is for my head to nod back and forth." POOF, he's now nodding his head and still flailing his arms around.
The genie wishes them good luck, disappears, and the men soon go their separate ways. Many years later they meet again and chat about how things have been going.
The first guy is ecstatic: "I've invested the money and multiplied it many times over, so me and my family will be among the richest of the rich pretty much forever. My wife is a freak in the sheets, and I've never gotten so much as a cold in all these years."
The second guy smiles and says "Well, I built charities worldwide with a fraction of my wealth, I'm still the richest guy alive and also revered for my good deeds. I haven't aged a day since we last met, and yes, your wife is pretty wild in bed."
The third guy walks in, flailing his arms around and nodding his head, and says: "Guys, I think I f*cked up."
bad jokes thread
^ Yessssss
I found that this weekend while drinking with some buddies. We absolutely lost it at the punchline.
I found that this weekend while drinking with some buddies. We absolutely lost it at the punchline.
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bad jokes thread
My wife was in tears reading through that reddit thread. This was one of my favorites.^ Yessssss
I found that this weekend while drinking with some buddies. We absolutely lost it at the punchline.
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bad jokes thread
I was always interested in crop estimating as a profession. I wonder how many are in that field.
bad jokes thread
...
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bad jokes thread
Why does Trump take Xanax?
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bad jokes thread
Iron man is really Fe-male
bad jokes thread
This shutdown has been especially hard on the service industry, and men. We are losing $1.00 to every $.79 that women are losing.