Fifth Avenue Forum

No need. I was a five star man before the internet and I'm a five star man now

The rise of hero0fwar.

On a scale of 1 to Dennis Reynolds, my impatience with other drivers is at about a 7 and it’s becoming problematic.

I used to live somewhere where I never went on any roads over 25, so there were no issues with dimwits not knowing the speed limit. I moved out to PA with more open roads and it turns out that people are god damned idiots who have no clue what the speed limit is at any time.

I'm not looking forward to commuting again.

@AuthorTony: Where were you on Monday?

@AuthorTony: Where were you on Monday?

Ha - that's awesome!

Open carry, good. Knife, bad.

Google “Florida Man” followed by your birth month and date.

I got:

https://vinepair.com/booze-news/florida ... -tiki-hut/


“On Jan. 13 at 8 a.m., the U.S. Coast Guard found a man slumped over the wheel of a stolen, floating tiki hut. The hut was reported stolen by Crusin’ Tikis the night before, and offered little shelter for its captor.”

"Florida Man 'Violently' Punches Gas Pumps, Car Wash Drive Thru and Trees After Argument With Girlfriend"

My Florida man bday is boring so I googled Florida woman instead:

“Florida Woman Arrested for Fart Attack”

Much better

Good day apparently:

Nude Florida man burns himself while dancing in flames, chanting 'gibberish'

Florida man carrying nearly 500 grams of weed tries to steal plane to meet girlfriend, police say

Florida man pulls gun on chief’s daughter over cream cheese at Starbucks, police say

Deputies: Florida man claims he downed 18 beers, Xanax before setting house fire

Florida man arrested for punching girlfriend, who changed channel during Super Bowl, in face. .

This is a photo of my actual actual Netflix search results for 'cocaine'

Drunk, shirtless Florida man arrested after shoveling spaghetti in his mouth at Olive Garden

Florida Man Is Re-Arrested Just Minutes After His Release

Florida man accused of stealing samurai sword, truck arrested after leaving cellphone at crime scene

"A 45-year-old Florida man is accused of throwing a bowl of pancake dough at a woman preparing dinner"

Drunk, shirtless Florida man arrested after shoveling spaghetti in his mouth at Olive Garden

Florida Man Is Re-Arrested Just Minutes After His Release

Florida man accused of stealing samurai sword, truck arrested after leaving cellphone at crime scene

They arrested a truck???

So I did this Florida man game a couple years ago and am pleased to say 2020 brought me a new headline!

Original:
Florida Man Arrested for DUI While Lemur and Wallaby Escape From Truck During Traffic Stop

New:
Florida man arrested for beating and throwing chair at child in doughnut dispute

it's been awhile so I'll play too:
October 17

Florida man with ‘half a head’ arrested on attempted murder, arson charges

Florida man kills family friend for ‘trying to pick up’ his imaginary girlfriend

Florida man arrested after stolen horse found butchered for meat

Florida Woman for this date is pretty good too:

Veronica Posey, 325-pound Florida woman, charged with killing girl by sitting on her

morbid

Man Says He Was ‘Possessed’ When He Beheaded Girlfriend, Is Acquitted

Florida Man Accused Of Spitting At Boy Who Refused To Remove Mask

Topical

But not the good one

Florida Man on Flakka Thinks He's Possessed, Strips Naked, Disrupts Traffic on I-95

Only two good ones for my birthday:

Florida man wearing gloves steals all the chicken wings at 7-Eleven

Florida Man Screaming About Vampires Allegedly Sets Fire In His Own House

Edit: Florida woman offers a doozy.

Florida woman lived with dismembered boyfriend for months