Blackjack's Thread of Illness and Ailments

[meow]

You ain’t nothing but a skinny, lunger

[tifosi77]

So I woke up today to discover that I aparently sprained my wrist overnight while I slept, and now I'm having rough side effects fom my flu shot. wtf

[NTP66]

Injuring yourself by giving yourself The Stranger while you sleep. I’m impressed.

[AuthorTony]

I stepped in a chipmunk hole while mowing and went down hard, tweaking my ankle. I sprained that same ankle back in high school, maybe even tore something for all I know, it was something else. I swear, I've sprained it 20+ times since them.

I don't mind though because Sunday night all day yesterday I felt like sh*t. Sore throat, very congested, tired, and I felt "foggy" in my head. I had to go into Tractor Supply last week and no one else was masked up (of course) and then took I my mom to Hobby Lobby on Friday where less than 20% of the people wore masks. I was really worried I had covid. Fortunately, today seems normal. I'm still congested, but it's just as my usual level. I think I have allergies and I can almost never breathe through both nostrils at the same time.

[tifosi77]

I think you might be allergic to Somerset.

[mac5155]

I was in Somerset this past weekend camping.

[AuthorTony]

Somerset is a nice place... to camp.

[mac5155]

Indeed it is. We were at pioneer Park. I go there 2 or 3 times a year.

[dodint]

**** cancer.

I found out today that my Mom has a brain tumor. She has been getting headaches and is starting to lose her vision. It sounds like it might be operable. She is 61. She just adopted some kids about two years ago. Not great.

I am getting tired. For those that may not know, this has been my last 9 years:

2012: Maternal Grandfather passed from leukemia.
2013: Grandmother passed from breast cancer. Wife (29} diagnosed with breast cancer. MIL (60s) diagnosed with breast cancer.
2014: Acute care for wife, MIL.
2017: FIL (60s) passes from brain cancer. MIL diagnosed with breast cancer, again.
2018: MIL passes from breast cancer.
2020: Wife (36, now) diagnosed with breast cancer, again, despite having a double mastectomy first time. Dog dies of stomach cancer.
2021: Wife completes acute care. My mother (61) finds brain tumor.

I was really close with my grandmother, and am with my mother. Not to mention the wife who has been under some form or another of treatment since 2013. I probably should not have mentioned the dog in that timeline, but emotionally that really hollowed me out in a way I didn't even know was possible.

I am very weary. It's been a tough decade for a number of reasons. We came home in 2016 to relax and find normalcy, and it's been a lot of pain and sorrow.

Am I entitled to these feelings? Or is this just normal aging and life experiences for someone who is 38? I expected challenges in life, but it's happening at such a regular and steady pace. I am finding the older I get the less stoic I can be about these things. I can't tell if it's just because I can not handle it any more because of the cumulative effect of it all, or if I am just more compassionate with more year's under my belt.
I am very sad. I have been mentally preparing for my Dad to get COVID and die as he is actively seeking it, it seems. But my Mom coming up with an brain tumor is a real blind left hook.

[AuthorTony]

I'm so sorry man. You're completely entitled to your feelings. I've really been struggling for the past few years and feel like life's been a bowl of suck since my dad's stroke in 2017. The following 3 years were just a nightmare of long hospital stays, rehab, etc. He's been gone for going on 2 years but I'm still trying to find a normal again and a big part of me feels like the best part of my life is already over.

Do they know what type of brain tumor your mom has yet? If you want, feel free to msg me. My dad was diagnosed with his in 2012 (it is not what ended up taking his life) and I know far about brain tumors than normal.

Edit: Don't feel bad for including your dog in that last. I can still cry over my dog Eli and it'll be three years on Dec 18. I'm still not over losing that dog.

[dodint]

Thanks, that might be very helpful. I am having lunch with her on Wednesday, without the kids around. Should know more then.

I know you have had it rough. You put up a good facade, fwiw.

[skullman80]

So sorry @dodint . You've been through the ringer.

To answer your question though you are absolutely entitled to those feelings.

[dodint]

Thanks.
I have this mentality where I know that someone, somewhere has it worse and I should be thankful for what I have. It kind of acts as a block on feelings, pity. The same reason I never worked through any of my military stuff. I made it back whole, what do I have to complain about?

[AuthorTony]

Feel free to msg me when you find out the type of tumor, if you don't want to discuss it here. Depending on the type, it's not an automatic death sentence. Fingers crossed for you and for her.

And thanks! It's hard when people you love keep getting kicked in the teeth health-wise. And just because you're not the one who's sick doesn't make it any easier on you. Seeing those around you suffer and not being able to help is a horrible feeling.

[NTP66]

That timeline is incredibly depressing to even read. So sorry to hear about that, dodint. Hopefully it’s something that can be treated and it winds up just being a blip on the radar. **** cancer, for real. One of my biggest fears for my family given how it seems so many get it.

[shafnutz05]

Damn, no need to ask for permission to feel. Just brutal @dodint, I'm sorry man.

[NTP66]

Got in the weighted blanket and tried it out last night. I don't have insomnia, but I do have an anxiety disorder, and I've noticed in the past that I feel more comfortable in the winter when I'm under my heavy winter blankets. So I thought why not try out a weighted blanket and see if I like it. I bought one of these in the 48″×72″ 20-lbs size.

I think I like the extra weight. I certainly didn't find it objectionable, and I slept quite well. Now, I don't have problems sleeping in the first place. If anything I sleep too well and suffer from cantgetmylazyassoutofbeditis. I think it does give a feeling of being more secure.

The 20-lbs blanket I bought is theoretically washable, but I think it would probably kill most machine washers. The only thing I can think of would be to try to wash it by hand in my bathtub. That's why I bought a blanket that offered optional zip-off washable covers, and unless one is buying one of the really lightweight blankets, I'd look for that option.

Digging up an old post… do you still use the weighted blanket? I’m finding myself tossing and turning so damn much now that I need to try something new, and am now considering a true weighted blanket.

[blackjack68]

And did you ever try to wash it in a commercial laundromat washing machine?

[Shyster]

Am I entitled to these feelings?

You are entitled to feel whatever you feel; and you don't need anyone's permission to feel. And in this case you have suffered misfortunes way over and above what can be expected for an average adult. I'm so sorry to hear about what's going on, and I hope for your mom it’s something that can be treated.

[Shyster]

Digging up an old post… do you still use the weighted blanket? I’m finding myself tossing and turning so damn much now that I need to try something new, and am now considering a true weighted blanket.

Yes, still use it every night, and I still like it quite a lot. It's been holding up quite well.

And did you ever try to wash it in a commercial laundromat washing machine?

I've never tried to wash the blanket itself. I just wash the removable cover.

[tifosi77]

Am I entitled to these feelings?

You're entitled to feel how you feel. This isn't an 'earn it' situation. And even if it was, i think we'd all agree you certainty have.

That's a right rough timeline, brother. I have no idea what my response to that series of events would be, but it probably would be good

[NTP66]

Digging up an old post… do you still use the weighted blanket? I’m finding myself tossing and turning so damn much now that I need to try something new, and am now considering a true weighted blanket.

Yes, still use it every night, and I still like it quite a lot. It's been holding up quite well.

And did you ever try to wash it in a commercial laundromat washing machine?

I've never tried to wash the blanket itself. I just wash the removable cover.

Appreciate it. I"m going to go ahead and give it a try.

[NTP66]

Actually, @Shyster, one more question - any issues with your cats? I didn't think of this before, but one of our cats very much enjoys trying to claw his way through our comforter, so I'd be worried about him getting through this and having those beads come out.

[dodint]

Thanks for the reassurances. It means more than I can express, really.

I've toyed with the idea of seeking some mental health help over the last few years. I've been on the fringe of really needing it, but always beg off because I feel like I'm taking availability away from someone that needs it more than I do, particularly during the fallout from COVID and all it has wrought. Unfortunately, I feel I'm very quickly approaching a point where I can't hide behind that rationale anymore because I am legitimately unwell.
Thanks again for being a welcoming place for me to talk through some of this. I don't want to be an endless wet blanket by droning on. That said, the paragraph above might be the only time I've acknowledged 'out loud' that I'm reaching the end of my ability to cope on my own. It's terrifying to me that I might not have the strength to be strong for her, this time.

[robbiestoupe]

Oof, not something anybody should have to go through, dodint. I completely agree with your first paragraph. Seek help. You're not taking up anybody's valuable time. If you were, there would be no appointments available, right? We all have **** to deal with, Covid is just another layer on top of it all. And probably some of the weight that's on your shoulders, tbh.

My brother has recently gone through some serious panic attacks and had to start seeing a therapist. I think because he waited too long and buried his stuff is what brought those along. We're humans after all, at some point there's a breaking point and the body reacts. Seeking help is just admitting you are human, really.