You know what really grinds my gears...

[MalkinIsMyHomeboy]

Mac could you going with the kids and your wife staying home be a possibility?

It seems like she doesn’t want to leave the house but you wouldn’t mind. Might be a compromise

[Rylan]

Going to completely read into it, but that sounds like it would make the internalized anxiety she is already (seemingly) feeling worse.

[skullman80]

That sounds like an answer from someone who is not married, let alone married with a wife who is a few weeks post partum.

[MWB]

I think suggesting that would lead to more trouble. “Oh, so you want me to be alone on Christmas?”

[Troy Loney]

Wife vs mom battles are the eternal struggle in life

[nocera]

Yeah don’t do that. Just say you thought about it more and she’s right, you all should stay home. Invite the mom over or tell her you’ll see her the next day. Happy wife and all that…

[tifosi77]

Rule 1 of marriage: every combination of words that do not expressly include 'yes' means 'no'.

Mrs Tif's move is to thoughtfully say "hmmmm" with the pitch of the vocalization lowering just so slightly at the end. That means "you are stupid why would say that". "Hmmmm" that goes up in pitch slightly at the beginning means "I hadn't thought of that, but I am disinclined to accede at this juncture".

I'm reminded of when I was a child and my mom would answer certain questions with "We'll see". I learned pretty quickly that this was code for "shut up".

Wives are kinda of the same. nocera provided the correct way forward here.

[dodint]

Yeah don’t do that. Just say you thought about it more and she’s right, you all should stay home. Invite the mom over or tell her you’ll see her the next day. Happy wife and all that…

That doesn't work because mac wants to go, tho.

[count2infinity]

Wife vs mom battles are the eternal struggle in life

It's a pretty easy calculation to make. You live with and spend most of your time with one of them. That's the person you're aiming to keep the peace with.

[MalkinIsMyHomeboy]

That sounds like an answer from someone who is not married, let alone married with a wife who is a few weeks post partum.

It’s a complex conversation because while yes, it’s good to maintain “peace” in the household, it’s also important for couples to come to mutual understandings. If mac’s wife doesn’t want to leave the house but also doesn’t want others to leave the house while mac does want to leave the house, it gets complex. I don’t think the answer is necessarily as simple as “just do what she wants” because that doesn’t really indicate a relationship where both partners feel heard

I’m not saying it’s as simple as “just go” too. I just mentioned it as a possible compromise. Ultimately it’s up to mac to navigate this very fun emotional puzzle lol

[Troy Loney]

Wife vs mom battles are the eternal struggle in life

It's a pretty easy calculation to make. You live with and spend most of your time with one of them. That's the person you're aiming to keep the peace with.

Yeah, of course. But also not interested in listening to the wife complain about the mom all the time.

[count2infinity]

Also, within the first couple of months of postpartumness, the mom gets a free pass on all things. It might not be "fair" but it is what it is.

[skullman80]

That sounds like an answer from someone who is not married, let alone married with a wife who is a few weeks post partum.

It’s a complex conversation because while yes, it’s good to maintain “peace” in the household, it’s also important for couples to come to mutual understandings. If mac’s wife doesn’t want to leave the house but also doesn’t want others to leave the house while mac does want to leave the house, it gets complex. I don’t think the answer is necessarily as simple as “just do what she wants” because that doesn’t really indicate a relationship where both partners feel heard

I’m not saying it’s as simple as “just go” too. I just mentioned it as a possible compromise. Ultimately it’s up to mac to navigate this very fun emotional puzzle lol

If this was not Christmas time and mac's wife also had just not recently popped out a kid....I would say compromises are more likely to be made. The fact that both of those things are true though makes it an easy decision. You do what you wife wants in that case. Period. If mac's mom wants to see the family she can come over to see the family on Christmas.

In this situation there is no complexity based on the circumstances IMO.

[Morkle]

Yeah I don't have kids, but if my wife said she didn't want to go somewhere on a specific day...that would be that no matter what others in the family wanted. Add a newborn into the mix and that is even more of not leaving the house especially on Christmas.

My SIL and BIL don't go anywhere on Christmas..and I totally get that. They have 4 kids. It's totally understandable. My MIL had a fit about it for a few years, but eventually got over it. My SIL annoys me alot, but I was totally on her side in that instance. Let the people come to you.

This was our life - we used to drive an hour to and from, and then visit both families on the same day because we felt obligated. The SECOND kids came into the picture, we did it one time, and I put my foot down and said we will never do that again.

People are upset, but there’s no pleasing everyone - and if I am in direct control of my sanity, I am not ruining my holidays driving from here to there so people who really don’t make an effort to come around all the time, get their photo ops.

[nocera]

Yeah don’t do that. Just say you thought about it more and she’s right, you all should stay home. Invite the mom over or tell her you’ll see her the next day. Happy wife and all that…

That doesn't work because mac wants to go, tho.

He said he doesn't care.

Holiday stress and drama begins... mom wants to know if we can come over Christmas afternoon. Wife insists we aren't leaving the house on Christmas day and says mom can come over. But mom doesn't want to pick me over my brother's house (understandable). I'm unfortunately in the middle with no care on what we actually do cause Christmas is just another day to me. so I take my wife's side because I have to (and should) but it still sucks.

[dodint]

He cares or it wouldn't be a question.

[nocera]

I agree.

[count2infinity]

He cares or it wouldn't be a question.

[tifosi77]

He cares insofar as he came here to vent to his bros and got unexpectedly stomped.

[nocera]

We calls it like we sees it.

[Morkle]

Wait so that conversation was stated AFTER he said his wife insisted they weren’t leaving the house?

[nocera]

[mac5155]

K FAF HALP

"momma mac suggested we go Sunday or next Friday. There's a chance my brother and sister won't be there. They work and may have other plans"

"well now our kids miss out on everything"

I'm sorry how am I supposed to deal with this. I'll hang up and wait for your answer lol.

[dodint]

Yeah, that's tough. You're in the hole and can't see over the rim anymore.

[mac5155]

yeah at least I have you guys on my side.