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Morkle
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Postby Morkle » Thu Sep 22, 2022 1:37 pm

I think I have to move my seat further back. I've been having a slight twinge in my knee when I push - and it seems to be seat related, as I think my knees are going past my feet, *I think*.

That being said, I need a rest day too. I think I've done it 9-10 days, and with a beginner, maybe I shouldn't do that. That being said, I do find myself excited to do it every day.

skullman80
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Postby skullman80 » Thu Sep 22, 2022 1:44 pm

I think I have to move my seat further back. I've been having a slight twinge in my knee when I push - and it seems to be seat related, as I think my knees are going past my feet, *I think*.

That being said, I need a rest day too. I think I've done it 9-10 days, and with a beginner, maybe I shouldn't do that. That being said, I do find myself excited to do it every day.
If you ever want a "rest" day but don't want to do anything crazy...do a Wilpers recovery ride, or really any recovery ride, they are just there to move your legs basically. Yoga is also good to do on rest days. Some times though you just need a full out day off. I find that tough to do myself so I can't judge, but recovery days are important.

Morkle
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Postby Morkle » Thu Sep 22, 2022 1:54 pm

Good to know, thanks for the tip!

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Postby Dickie Dunn » Thu Sep 22, 2022 2:48 pm

I always intend to do yoga, but when it comes time to do yoga I don't do yoga because yoga is boring.

meow
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Postby meow » Thu Sep 22, 2022 3:00 pm

Ya boy meow does yoga on non-gym days.

skullman80
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Postby skullman80 » Thu Sep 22, 2022 3:09 pm

My wife loves Yoga. I did a yoga program with her. That was enough for me, but every once in a while I'll do a class just for something different.

Morkle
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Postby Morkle » Fri Sep 23, 2022 8:19 am

Did a 30 minute low impact ride today. Much better? I don't want to say easier, but I paced myself much better than I would in a 20. Knee hurts less after moving seat back too.

I'm slowly becoming hooked I think. I actually got up early today to do it, rather than middle of the day.

skullman80
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Postby skullman80 » Fri Sep 23, 2022 8:20 am

Did a 30 minute low impact ride today. Much better? I don't want to say easier, but I paced myself much better than I would in a 20. Knee hurts less after moving seat back too.

I'm slowly becoming hooked I think. I actually got up early today to do it, rather than middle of the day.
Once you get into the cult... you don't get to leave :lol:

Morkle
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Postby Morkle » Fri Sep 23, 2022 8:24 am

It's going to be interesting, I'm going to be taking at least 1-2 days off this weekend as we're going camping, so I'm curious to see what Monday will be like.

skullman80
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Postby skullman80 » Fri Sep 23, 2022 8:36 am

It's going to be interesting, I'm going to be taking at least 1-2 days off this weekend as we're going camping, so I'm curious to see what Monday will be like.
You will probably post your best ride after a few days rest honestly. Usually when I take a day off and just do a recovery ride, or even better just meditation or yoga... I tend to come back that following day and crush it pretty hard.

dodint
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Postby dodint » Mon Sep 26, 2022 3:06 pm

This is more of a mental health thing with no real question being asked, but, whatever.

I assume it's just middle age setting in but for the last few years I've been getting increasingly apathetic about everything. I'm certain COVID (both long COVID depression/anxiety and COVID's generally devastating effect on society as we knew it) and the weirdness of our new society is part of it. But I also think it might just be middle-age slowdown.

My problem is I knew I would slow down eventually and change; but I never thought I would lose the inquisitive curiosity that got me where I am. When I was younger I thought I could be happy in perpetuity if I were a brain in a vat and could do nothing but read for the rest of time. Now I have the entire world of literature and knowledge at my fingertips and I don't bother to peruse much of it. There is no joy in discovery and curiosity anymore; maybe because I have enough of the world figured out to know that most of it is unremarkable and not worth further investigation.
I'm not angry or facing any particular hardship right now. I just don't care about much and I haven't for a few years. I spent my 30s absolutely battling; my wife's cancer, climbing the vocational ladder, moving from state to state for opportunities, sports car racing, etc. I'm drifting into my 40s with little ambition to improve myself, but also no real self-destructive behavior either. I'm just here.
I thought I was exhausted from law school and needed a few months to recharge. (I graduated in Dec 2019, right before COVID) But it's going on three years now and I'm still as burned out as I was right after I sat for the bar exam.

I'm doing stuff to try and reengage. Actively losing weight to feel better about myself and be more energetic. And I'm learning to fly small planes, so I have a structured curriculum and goals to work towards for as long as I want that. But on the flip side I don't hold out hope for anything.
I'm not suicidal, but I'm starting to think about the concept more often and I find myself feeling pretty empathetic towards those that make that choice. It's not for me, right now, but I understand why they would. I don't worry about being a danger to myself and making an irreversible mistake, I feel the same apathy towards suicide as I do anything else right now and that's its own protective mechanism. That said, I can understand why someone would. I'm not even 40 yet and feeling the pain of age, I can see why some folks would punch out early and skip the decline.

I worked hard for a good life and I have it a lot better than most people; an above-average quality of life. I feel some guilt about complaining about it when other people are legitimately struggling and suffering. I just needed to say something because this has been bouncing around in my head for months, maybe just expressing it to you folks will help excise a small piece of it.

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Postby dodint » Mon Sep 26, 2022 5:53 pm

Felt good to ride again. First time since May and the first since my injury. We'll see how it feels in the morning but I didn't feel like the bike was stressing out my Achilles. I did a Recovery ride with very little out of the saddle.

I can confirm I lost all my cardio endurance and muscular strength. Yay. :(

I might do a fitness test just to see how bad it is. We'll see.

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Postby Shyster » Mon Sep 26, 2022 7:55 pm

I think speaking to a counselor might help with those issues, dodint. It would at least be good to get an outside perspective.

I've found myself maybe having some of the same thoughts, especially since my mother passed. It was a sort of realization that I'm not really going to face any really new major milestones. I've got all of the education I'm ever going to get, I'm not going to ever have kids (or probably get married), and I have no desire to switch jobs or start a new career. It's just... more of this, until I retire or prematurely die. It's certainly not that I have any desire not to go on living, but there are more thoughts about what life is for.

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Postby mikey » Mon Sep 26, 2022 8:07 pm

Heavy stuff, dodint, but thanks for sharing. You seem like a very methodical person - a military man, you have a daily weight tracker that goes back to when you were sperm, scooped up a law degree in your spare time, I'm sure auto racing has a level of structure to it that I can't speak to...

Creating goals and structure for myself is like trying to tickle myself...I just can't do it. But you seem to respond to it. Specifically to the dodint, attorney at law persona, is there a meaningful way to add structure - progressive structure to that outfit...? Maybe gain some momentum with a couple of accomplishments...maybe have your wife concoct them so that there's a "punishment" aspect to it, as to not let her down...?

meow
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Postby meow » Mon Sep 26, 2022 8:21 pm

Have you tried not being a dodint?

I am kidding obviously. I go through similar periods myself. I thought it was depression for awhile, but a therapist said she thought it was apathy and not depression. I echo the therapy remark from shys-daddy. Might be worth talking to a doctor as well. Might have some levels off. Something like testosterone could be low.

My shoot from the hip thought is that you are so goal driven, that that might be what’s up here. I’d try focus on just existing. Being present. Don’t plan too far ahead. Just meander for a bit

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Postby shafnutz05 » Tue Sep 27, 2022 6:46 am

Good stuff meow. My thought too.

I've struggled with it myself. Good luck dodint. Try a good therapist, it does go a long way.

skullman80
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Postby skullman80 » Tue Sep 27, 2022 7:20 am

Yeah I was trying to think of how to respond to dodint, but others have covered it pretty well. It's a tough situation.

As others above have echoed...I think alot of us feel the same things some of the time if not alot of the time. I'm happily married, professionally I'm well above where I thought I'd ever be, my wife makes good money, we are both pretty healthy. We have a nice house, we can do what we want, we don't live paycheck to paycheck.

I don't have much more to strive for personally or professionally which is tough sometimes. I think it's why I have a tough time just "relaxing". There is something deep in my brain that always wants to be doing "something" as if I have to prove to myself that I'm not just happy where I'm at. It's a weird dynamic.

It's also why I feel "guilty" about complaining about anything sometimes which I know isn't healthy. I just know that I (we) have it so much better than others, that I feel bad about feeling bad sometimes even when it's normal.

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Postby dodint » Tue Sep 27, 2022 9:15 am

Thanks for sharing, guys.

A lot of what you wrote hits home. Some of those thoughts I actually deleted from my initial post because it was getting too long. So it's good to know that my experience isn't completely out there. It just might be more acute right now than usual. I had legitimate panic attack-inducing anxiety through the spring, and that's gone for now. I'm just very surprised it has been replaced with almost complete apathy.

"Being present" is a problem I've had for my entire time as an adult. I'm always striving for the next thing. And usually, when I get there I don't enjoy the reward. There is always another step to take. I've often stopped and asked myself why I'm not here, why I'm not in the moment. I used to joke that I'm only ever completely in the moment when riding a motorcycle or having sex. And I haven't ridden the motorcycle since I moved back to PA.

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Postby NAN » Tue Sep 27, 2022 9:31 am

dodint, I'm still going through something similar. I'm not in the dark depression/crippling anxiety I was going through earlier in the year, but I'm also not as happy about life as I was prior to 2022. And I'm in the same boat as others, beautiful wife who I love very much, kids that make my life go, a great job, nice house, and we make the money that we don't really have to worry. And yet, these last 9 months have sucked for the most part.

I do get suicidal thoughts sometimes, but not to the point I'd act on it, mainly because of the kids. And to your point, I can see now why people want to check out early. That used to absolutely blow my mind.

I wake up every morning with some anxiety, even though I'm not worried about anything, and it ruins my day. I start to feel good around dinner, and jsut wish my days could be like that again. I have these tremors, even though they are not that bad now that I have the anxiety somewhat under control vs before, but now my stupid ears are constantly buzzing or fluttering. I think I have tinnitus (sp?). This has been going on for about a month. My jaw is constantly hurting due to tension from the anxiety and I just think to myself "is this the rest of my life, just feeling miserable overall".

I did go through a period of not feeling present, but I do feel I've gotten out of that a bit. But I just continue to think, I just want to rewind back to December of 2021 and just have a redo. I know the exact day, January 13th, 2022 when all of this really jsut spiraled and I haven't been the same since.

I can also see why some people don't want to retire when they get to that age. I just feel like I need to constantly be doing "something" or else my anxiety starts kicking in. And this is from a guy that was never really anxious before.

dodint
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Postby dodint » Tue Sep 27, 2022 9:35 am

Yeah, I thought of you specifically when I decided to write my initial post. By sharing your experience enabled me to put mine out there, and I appreciate that.

I had COVID the first week of January. Physically it only put me down for about 10 days, but I think it's what caused my funk in the spring. The concerns I expressed here are not new by any means, but I think COVID did something to neutralize my ability to handle it.

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Postby NAN » Tue Sep 27, 2022 9:35 am

The reason I initially came in here until I saw dodint's post was to ask about tinnitus (I'm self diagnosing right now, but have an ENT appointment coming up). Does anyone else have this? I'll have fluttering in my ears or they feel "clogged" sometimes. This has been going on for about 4 weeks now. I did have a checkup and my ears were clear and not infected.

Is this going to be a permanent thing, or get worse? Does it get any better? Like I said, if I have to deal with what it is right now, it sucks, but is managable. But if it gets worse or will continue forever, man that sucks.

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Postby dodint » Tue Sep 27, 2022 9:36 am

@NTP66

My tinnitus is just a higher-pitched white noise static, nothing like what you're describing. NTP66 might have a different take, though.

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Postby robbiestoupe » Tue Sep 27, 2022 9:45 am

My tinnitus is like dodint's. I've probably had it since I was 3 when I got a concussion, so it barely registers anymore. If it's new to you, it'll probably bother you much more.

No sense of clogging at all, but very rarely I'll get this sense that the pressure around me has significantly changed to where my ears feel like they are in a vacuum, the pitch of the ringing changes, and will slowly reverberate back to its original pitch in a matter of a few seconds.

Morkle
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Postby Morkle » Tue Sep 27, 2022 9:48 am

Nothing but white noise high pitch sound here. Have had it for decades at this point, not officially diagnosed - but there's no silence in my mind lol.

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Postby NAN » Tue Sep 27, 2022 9:49 am

Yeah, I thought of you specifically when I decided to write my initial post. By sharing your experience enabled me to put mine out there, and I appreciate that.

I had COVID the first week of January. Physically it only put me down for about 10 days, but I think it's what caused my funk in the spring. The concerns I expressed here are not new by any means, but I think COVID did something to neutralize my ability to handle it.
Yeah. My doctor is still convinced covid is causing a lot of these mental issue. He has seen a spike, and he isn't the only one.

Honestly, it's not a cure all obviously, but I highly suggest being open about it, talking to anyone in your support group, including us fools on here, and seek professional help. Hang in there man.

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