Thread of Love v6.9

[meow]

Yeah, I've said something similar. My wife and I started dating in 2002. I wouldn't make it in this landscape, particularly with a WFH job and little desire to go out and socialize in public. I reckon I'd find someone eventually but it would take a long time and would happen by chance.

I think you’d find someone eventually. Just have to wait for the right guy to come around

[dodint]

Oh, he'll come.

[meow]

[skullman80]

This took a turn rather quickly...

[RonnieFranchise]

Imma just go on golden bachelor. Only they'll call it Fat Balding Golden Bachelor. Get me a mental case needy senior lady who had a lot of work done.

Watched the premier with Mrs. F and if anything convinced me to a) keep her happy and b) if we split or she goes before I do, I don't want any part of going back to see what fish are in the sea, it was that.

[MWB]

I’ve been married and divorced twice. In both cases they weren’t the right person for me, but I thought it was good enough. It wasn’t lol. The woman I’m with now is perfect for me and made me realize how great things are with the right person.

[skullman80]

I couldn't imagine dating or trying to find someone at my age or even going through the whole process in these current times. No thanks.

[count2infinity]

Oh, he'll come.

[dodint]

That was somehow worse than expected.

[MalkinIsMyHomeboy]

I was single for a lot longer than I ever wanted to be and part of it is just how shitty the modern dating market is. Everyone is some combination of super picky because of the endless choices from online dating and frustrated because of how shitty people can ruin it for everyone

Also a really tough factor is how all of the infrastructure set up to help people find romantic partners are pretty parasitic. Dating apps are, imo, intentionally designed to keep people on there rather than helping them to find a partner (think about it…why would dating apps want to lose a customer?). The one matchmaker I worked with was awful and she screwed me over. etc etc

It sucks because I’d say the concept of dating could fall into the realm of charity with how much it can affect peoples mental health but of course there aren’t any non-profits in the space. It’s all greedy companies trying to take advantage of desperate people

[count2infinity]

I'm curious as to what they can do to keep people on rather than helping them find a partner... I've never used them. What kind of things can they do?

[Dickie Dunn]

I echo dodint and skully here. I am beyond thankful to have met my wife before the proliferation of app based dating because I do not have the social skills or personality to navigate it or endure the cattle call.

[dodint]

That said, and this kind of illustrates how much I value a friendship, I do have a woman that I could realistically shift to if something terrible happened to my wife.
The woman I dated all through high school, lost each others virginity to, and was with right up until I met my wife is still a friend 25 years later. She's had a bad marriage and divorce and lives a lifestyle that is compatible to mine. So if my wife did pass away there is a big chance I pursue her and we'd end up together. She's an amazing woman but the men in her life haven't been willing to follow her through her vocational career (she's currently in Berlin for a few years, has been all over).

[MalkinIsMyHomeboy]

I'm curious as to what they can do to keep people on rather than helping them find a partner... I've never used them. What kind of things can they do?

their business model is inherently flawed imo

most of them are free to use but there are other features that you can get access to if you pay for a premium membership. That’s really the only source of revenue they have so imo they are squarely incentivized to keep users in the “searching for a match” phase

there hasn’t been any real innovation in the space since Tinder and honestly the tinder innovation (swiping) was a positive for the hookup space but a huge negative for the dating space. Things became a lot more shallow and impersonal


I actually have a business idea for an app that offers more than just matchmaking (which is really the only feature most of these apps have). Things like dating coaching, relationship coaching, etc. the way I see it, it should be more like a Netflix model where users can pay a small monthly fee but have long term use. In an ideal world, even people who are in relationships would use it because it would be intended for not just finding someone but maintaining and growing relationships

I just have gotten a little lazy recently and haven’t made much progress on the idea. Currently working with my therapist on it actually

[Kaiser]

Not bad. My future:

[count2infinity]

Source of the post their business model is inherently flawed imo

most of them are free to use but there are other features that you can get access to if you pay for a premium membership. That’s really the only source of revenue they have so imo they are squarely incentivized to keep users in the “searching for a match” phase

What are those features that you can pay for? Again... complete dumb dumb here. Never used the app.

[MR25]

As far as Tinder goes:

Gold gets you the ability to see who liked you, unlimited swipes, rewinds (if you swipe left accidentally and want to undo it), 1 boost a month (to make you more visible), 5 super likes (you become the first person to show up when the person you super liked logs in), the ability to control who sees you and who you see, and a couple other small/inconsequential features.

[MalkinIsMyHomeboy]

typically:

- more "swipes" per session (most apps limit your swipes/likes to 10-20 or so a day)
- "boosting" your profile (ie others are more likely to see it at the top of the pile)
- "super likes" (someone is more likely to notice that you liked them?)
- advanced filtering (typically you can really only filter by age, distance and height)


kind of all very superficial stuff


oh also, the dirty secret is that most of hte apps are owned by the same parent company, MatchGroup. They own Tinder, Hinge, Match.com, Plenty of Fish and OkCupid which is a massive market share. They're all effectively different flavors of the same bullshit

[MWB]

I'm curious as to what they can do to keep people on rather than helping them find a partner... I've never used them. What kind of things can they do?

their business model is inherently flawed imo

most of them are free to use but there are other features that you can get access to if you pay for a premium membership. That’s really the only source of revenue they have so imo they are squarely incentivized to keep users in the “searching for a match” phase

there hasn’t been any real innovation in the space since Tinder and honestly the tinder innovation (swiping) was a positive for the hookup space but a huge negative for the dating space. Things became a lot more shallow and impersonal


I actually have a business idea for an app that offers more than just matchmaking (which is really the only feature most of these apps have). Things like dating coaching, relationship coaching, etc. the way I see it, it should be more like a Netflix model where users can pay a small monthly fee but have long term use. In an ideal world, even people who are in relationships would use it because it would be intended for not just finding someone but maintaining and growing relationships

I just have gotten a little lazy recently and haven’t made much progress on the idea. Currently working with my therapist on it actually

I feel like the apps serve the general purpose: find someone in your area that has the same general interests and allow you to connect. From there it’s up to you (general you). I think people have all sorts of different expectations and that makes things different.

I do think your idea is a great one, but serves a different purpose of building and maintaining relationships instead of finding one.

[MalkinIsMyHomeboy]

I'm curious as to what they can do to keep people on rather than helping them find a partner... I've never used them. What kind of things can they do?

their business model is inherently flawed imo

most of them are free to use but there are other features that you can get access to if you pay for a premium membership. That’s really the only source of revenue they have so imo they are squarely incentivized to keep users in the “searching for a match” phase

there hasn’t been any real innovation in the space since Tinder and honestly the tinder innovation (swiping) was a positive for the hookup space but a huge negative for the dating space. Things became a lot more shallow and impersonal


I actually have a business idea for an app that offers more than just matchmaking (which is really the only feature most of these apps have). Things like dating coaching, relationship coaching, etc. the way I see it, it should be more like a Netflix model where users can pay a small monthly fee but have long term use. In an ideal world, even people who are in relationships would use it because it would be intended for not just finding someone but maintaining and growing relationships

I just have gotten a little lazy recently and haven’t made much progress on the idea. Currently working with my therapist on it actually

I feel like the apps serve the general purpose: find someone in your area that has the same general interests and allow you to connect. From there it’s up to you (general you). I think people have all sorts of different expectations and that makes things different.

I do think your idea is a great one, but serves a different purpose of building and maintaining relationships instead of finding one.

I agree and your point about people having different expectations is a good one. Right now is the best time in the history of the world for people who want to find hookups/casual engagements. But that mindset really only benefits the more physically attractive people so we have a bit of a "wealth inequality" issue right now where the most attractive demographics for both men and women are highly successful but anyone within one standard deviation of "average attractiveness" are on the struggle bus.

also, I think there's a legitimate "paradox of choice" problem with the apps these days too. Everyone is looking for the perfect partner rather than someone who is good for them yet not ideal. Of course, it's impossible to objectively measure the notion of the threshold of "someone I want to start a relationship with" is but the psychological effect of it makes sense. This is particularly true in large cities like NYC where the options are effectively infinite

so that's also something I considered too: many people aren't smart enough to know what's good for them imo (women looking for guys who are 6 foot plus and make $150k or men who are looking for instagram models). So how does a well-designed application help to solve for that? should it at all? idk

[Kaiser]

Sounds like you're complaining about being turned down by shallow people. Delete the app, machine gun fire dodged.

[MWB]

Yeah, some people are shallow… that’s generally just lack of maturity. The other thing about these apps, if you’re a guy, you’ve gotta have something that makes the woman give you a chance. Looks is going to be the natural first thing. It’s really hard to get personality across in a profile.

[count2infinity]

Yeah... sounds like the app is doing what it's supposed to: allowing for the opportunity for people to meet each other that in no other way would typically meet each other.

My best relationships are from school, work, and now as I'm older with a kid: neighbors and vendors at farmers markets. People that I'm in close proximity to (or were in close proximity to) on a semi-regular basis. Perhaps if the problem is the dating apps, it's time to get off the dating apps and try something different.

[King Colby]

That said, and this kind of illustrates how much I value a friendship, I do have a woman that I could realistically shift to if something terrible happened to my wife.
The woman I dated all through high school, lost each others virginity to, and was with right up until I met my wife is still a friend 25 years later. She's had a bad marriage and divorce and lives a lifestyle that is compatible to mine. So if my wife did pass away there is a big chance I pursue her and we'd end up together. She's an amazing woman but the men in her life haven't been willing to follow her through her vocational career (she's currently in Berlin for a few years, has been all over).

This is kind of **** up

[King Colby]

If she ever left me I'd have more time than I'd even know what the hell to do with. Especially spending half the week kidless. I also hate being alone. I'd have to get back out there.

I have a friend who divorced with 2 young kids and ended up meeting a girl who divorced with 2 young kids and they travel somewhere pretty much every time their kidless days line up.