bad jokes thread

dodint
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bad jokes thread

Postby dodint » Sat Oct 13, 2018 1:26 pm

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Lemon Berry Lobster
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Postby Lemon Berry Lobster » Wed Oct 24, 2018 11:52 am

Why haven't aliens visited our solar system yet?
Look at the reviews, only one star

iamjs
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Postby iamjs » Fri Oct 26, 2018 3:45 pm

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grunthy
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Postby grunthy » Fri Oct 26, 2018 3:47 pm

I submitted ten puns to a contest to see if any would make the finals.
No pun in ten did.

dodint
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Postby dodint » Fri Oct 26, 2018 3:50 pm

oh ****

iamjs
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Postby iamjs » Mon Nov 05, 2018 8:31 am

I get a thrill out of stealing kitchen utensils.

I guess you can say I'm a whisk taker.

NTP66
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Postby NTP66 » Sun Nov 11, 2018 10:48 am

What's the difference between Donald Trump and a worm?
One of them is a slimy, loathsome creature incapable of complex thought, and the other one actually shows up when it rains.

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Postby shafnutz05 » Sun Nov 11, 2018 6:49 pm

What's the difference between Donald Trump and a worm?
One of them is a slimy, loathsome creature incapable of complex thought, and the other one actually shows up when it rains.
Stop, thief! :lol:

NTP66
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Postby NTP66 » Sun Nov 11, 2018 7:36 pm

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dodint
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bad jokes thread

Postby dodint » Wed Nov 21, 2018 9:46 am

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Lemon Berry Lobster
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Postby Lemon Berry Lobster » Wed Nov 21, 2018 9:46 am

I still have yet to hear that song.

dodint
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Postby dodint » Wed Nov 21, 2018 9:48 am

*bum*
*bum*
*bum*
*bum*
*bum* *bum* *bum* *bummmmmmmm*

I feel bad that you never played GTA: Vice City my man.

Lemon Berry Lobster
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Postby Lemon Berry Lobster » Wed Nov 21, 2018 9:59 am

I played a bit. Played a ton of GTA V.

Silentom
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Postby Silentom » Wed Nov 21, 2018 10:16 am

Vice City is tits.

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Postby crusherstasiak » Fri Nov 30, 2018 6:49 pm

We were going to say something funny about the big steer, but
beef jokes are a rare medium well done.

Lemon Berry Lobster
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Postby Lemon Berry Lobster » Thu Dec 06, 2018 11:13 am

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count2infinity
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Postby count2infinity » Thu Dec 06, 2018 11:16 am

Three guys are walking through the woods when they find a lamp. One of them picks it up, rubs it, and out pops a Genie.

It booms "You have finally freed me after all these years, so I'll grant each one of you 3 wishes."

The first guy immediately blurts out "I want a billion dollars." POOF, he's holding a printout that shows his account balance is now in fact 1,000,000,003.50

The second man thinks for a bit, then says "I want to be the richest man alive." POOF, he's holding papers showing his net worth is now well over 300 billion.

The third guy thinks even longer about his wish, then says "I want my left arm to rotate clockwise for the rest of my life." POOF, his arm starts rotating.

The Genie tells them it's time for their second wish. The first guy says: "I want to be married to the most beautiful woman on earth." POOF, a stunning beauty wraps herself around his arm.

The second guy says "I want to be good-looking and charismatic, so I can have every girl I want." POOF, his looks change and the first guy's wife immediately starts flirting with him.

The third guy says "I want my right arm to rotate counter-clockwise until I die." POOF, now both his arms are rotating, in opposite directions.

The genie tells them to think very carefully about their third wish.

The first guy does, and after a while says "I never want to become sick or injured, I want to stay healthy until I die." POOF, his complexion improves, his acne is gone and his knees don't bother him anymore.

The second guy says "I never want to grow old. I want to stay 29 forever." POOF, he looks younger already.

The third guy smiles triumphantly and says "My last wish is for my head to nod back and forth." POOF, he's now nodding his head and still flailing his arms around.

The genie wishes them good luck, disappears, and the men soon go their separate ways. Many years later they meet again and chat about how things have been going.

The first guy is ecstatic: "I've invested the money and multiplied it many times over, so me and my family will be among the richest of the rich pretty much forever. My wife is a freak in the sheets, and I've never gotten so much as a cold in all these years."

The second guy smiles and says "Well, I built charities worldwide with a fraction of my wealth, I'm still the richest guy alive and also revered for my good deeds. I haven't aged a day since we last met, and yes, your wife is pretty wild in bed."

The third guy walks in, flailing his arms around and nodding his head, and says: "Guys, I think I f*cked up."

MR25
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Postby MR25 » Thu Dec 06, 2018 11:22 am

^ Yessssss

I found that this weekend while drinking with some buddies. We absolutely lost it at the punchline.

count2infinity
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Postby count2infinity » Thu Dec 06, 2018 11:25 am

^ Yessssss

I found that this weekend while drinking with some buddies. We absolutely lost it at the punchline.
My wife was in tears reading through that reddit thread. This was one of my favorites.

Lemon Berry Lobster
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Postby Lemon Berry Lobster » Mon Dec 10, 2018 8:05 pm

I was always interested in crop estimating as a profession. I wonder how many are in that field.

dodint
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Postby dodint » Mon Dec 10, 2018 8:16 pm

...

Lemon Berry Lobster
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Postby Lemon Berry Lobster » Fri Jan 25, 2019 2:15 pm

Why does Trump take Xanax?
For HIspanic attacks

NTP66
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Postby NTP66 » Fri Jan 25, 2019 2:16 pm

:lol:

Lemon Berry Lobster
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Postby Lemon Berry Lobster » Thu Mar 21, 2019 4:35 pm

Iron man is really Fe-male

dodint
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Postby dodint » Fri Mar 20, 2020 2:33 pm

This shutdown has been especially hard on the service industry, and men. We are losing $1.00 to every $.79 that women are losing.

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