Fifth Avenue Forum

I think mikey knows this, and maybe others as well, but I'm generally a very calm and happy person. Life is good for the most part and I don't take that for granted given how things could have gone with my career or my wife's health; I've got a job I like that pays well and she beat her cancer six years ago. Everything else is gravy. My happiness in life is squarely at odds with how I carry myself in my persona here. When I'm in a good mindset I find a lot of playful joy in the sarcasm and complaining that has become my definitive personality trait on this forum. I complain about the small things because they're a superficial interest, I don't have real problems to face. That said...

I understand the pressures of life are largely created by ambitions and constraints that we place on ourselves. If we just took a step back and paced ourselves a bit, life would be easier, sure. The flip side to that is life also has the possibility of being less rewarding if you do not continue to push. Right now I'm reaching a couple of different pivot points in life and the stress is really piling on. Pretty much in order of importance:

--Despite my wife getting a double mastectomy six years ago an aggressive growth has appeared in her chest cavity. The thought is that you can't get every single strand of breast tissue in a breast removal no matter the patient, and it's possible her cancer has returned in that residual tissue. We did a biopsy on Friday and hope to get the results back on Thursday. Hoping it's just a water cyst or scar tissue. If it's the worst case scenario it will be pretty devastating as she's still not fully recovered from the first go round in 2013 and she's doing really well in her academic PT program. If it has returned it will be more psychologically devastating than physical. At least I'm with her this time; in 2013 I was in Afghanistan for her diagnosis.

--Bar exam. This is a ton of information, some of it (PA Civ Pro and all PA doctrinal distinctions) I am seeing for the first time. I was really confident *before* starting my commercial prep course; but a lot of that confidence has eroded the farther I get into the material. I'm taking about 15 days of work off between Christmas and Feb 25th to focus on it; but I'm already 25% of the way through the course and haven't taken any of that time off yet. I'm working full days and then doing 4-6 hours of prep a night. I try to sneak a few non-study hours on Saturday or Sunday to work on my race car so it will be ready for next year.

--Law school. This isn't so bad. I have one final exam left that I'm going to knock out this weekend and then my academic career should be over. My 'long paper', which is a kind of thesis we're required to write (in my case, 9,000 words of a comparative analysis of state lemon laws across the country, holding up PAs as an example of how a statute can evolve to meet consumer needs) hasn't been graded yet so it's kind of hanging out there in space as a question mark. Would like to tie up these loose ends and collect my JD as soon as possible.

--Work. I'm up for a promotion that would significantly change how I do business. It would require that I travel a good bit and be away from home about 7 months out of the year. Because of the holiday and some priority work going on in my division the hiring action hasn't been worked despite the announcement closing on Nov. 12th. Whether or not I get this promotion dictates a lot about next year and I'd like it settled.

--Houses. We want to sell the Allison Park house and move to the Latrobe house, but we haven't even finalized drawings on the Latrobe house expansion yet. We might be able to get a jump and live at my sisters vacant house in Greensburg while we renovate, but without knowing where the bids are coming in at we can't project anything about this situation. More anxiety from uncertainty.

--Delorean. The prior owner of the DMC got in touch with me and wants to buy the car back. The price we've discussed covers my purchase price and about 75% of the work I put into it. I love the car and want to keep it, but that cash would also enable me to race for the next year or two without even thinking about cash. I'm thinking about divesting myself of the car and fully committing to racing. But it's tough to do with the wife, law stuff, and house stuff all out there unsettled.

All of this layered anxiety is starting to manifest itself physically. My waking panic attacks are back, there is a bit of insomnia, and I'm struggling with some digestive issues that are making everything just that much harder to deal with. I've also stopped running and have gained some weight back.