5AF Parenting Thread

[obhave]

Congrats @King Colby! I loved being one of three siblings and the youngest daughter

[King Colby]

I'm super excited for her to have two big bros. Thanks you all

[count2infinity]

Congrats!

[shafnutz05]

Congrats KC!

[NTP66]

Brought my daughter over to her old daycare to visit, which we used to do every summer before covid. Most of the teachers are still there, and loved seeing her (she loved it, too). Got to talking with the owner about how they were affected by covid, and it sounds like they didn't pull the same nonsense that others in here said happened to them.

They paid the teachers throughout, even the 3 months that they were shut down, gave credits to parents for any time the center had to close, etc. Really went out of their way to make sure that both staff and parents were taken care of, since it was rough for all involved. That's just awesome.

[Beveridge]

Brought my daughter over to her old daycare to visit, which we used to do every summer before covid. Most of the teachers are still there, and loved seeing her (she loved it, too). Got to talking with the owner about how they were affected by covid, and it sounds like they didn't pull the same nonsense that others in here said happened to them.

They paid the teachers throughout, even the 3 months that they were shut down, gave credits to parents for any time the center had to close, etc. Really went out of their way to make sure that both staff and parents were taken care of, since it was rough for all involved. That's just awesome.

Our current daycare we use is like this. They never charged during the shutdown (I don't know about paying the workers but I assume they did). Got credits for having to close or if kids got exposed by someone else. And we only saw prices jump $0.25/hour from then until now.

[NTP66]

One of the neighbor’s was violently yelling at a neighbor’s kid, so I stepped in. Long story short, I now know he really is a dodint, and I feel even worse for his wife after talking to her when he went in.

[mac5155]

How do you tell your wife you don't want (to try for) a third kid? Because mine seems to think I'm just joking. But really, I don't. I'm done. She's not.

[Ad@m]

[count2infinity]

You say “my body, my choice” and get a vasectomy.


But for real, if she thinks you’re just joking around, that’s a problem. Tell her you’re serious and have the conversation.

[skullman80]

You have a serious conversation about it? I mean it's that simple no?

[mac5155]

Yeah I mean we have been having conversations. I'll keep chipping away

[NTP66]

Might be good to create a mental list of reasons for your decision and then just go over them with her.

[skullman80]

You could also just go get snipped. Problem solved lol.

[obhave]

Well lads. Today I told my husband the same things 3 times and have no memory that I previously told him anything. Left the fridge open without memory. Poured myself multiple glasses of water because I kept misplacing my precious glass (still have not found). Off to a good start with the pregnancy fog for the day.

[King Colby]

How do you tell your wife you don't want (to try for) a third kid? Because mine seems to think I'm just joking. But really, I don't. I'm done. She's not.

I'll make this simple for you...

If your wife isn't 100% done having kids, you're having more kids my man.

The longer version:

Even if you "convince" her to agree with you, the "what if" will always be in the back of both of your minds and it will probably come up again.

As someone who was fine with 2 but wife was unsure, here were my two positions:
1. If we're going to end up doing it eventually, rather get it done sooner and move on from my baby making era
2. We might regret not having a 3rd, we'd never regret having a 3rd

[King Colby]

Well lads. Today I told my husband the same things 3 times and have no memory that I previously told him anything. Left the fridge open without memory. Poured myself multiple glasses of water because I kept misplacing my precious glass (still have not found). Off to a good start with the pregnancy fog for the day.

You just told us this yesterday...

[obhave]

Well lads. Today I told my husband the same things 3 times and have no memory that I previously told him anything. Left the fridge open without memory. Poured myself multiple glasses of water because I kept misplacing my precious glass (still have not found). Off to a good start with the pregnancy fog for the day.

You just told us this yesterday...

I legitimately had to go back in this thread to see if you were joking or not.

[mac5155]

How do you tell your wife you don't want (to try for) a third kid? Because mine seems to think I'm just joking. But really, I don't. I'm done. She's not.

I'll make this simple for you...

If your wife isn't 100% done having kids, you're having more kids my man.

The longer version:

Even if you "convince" her to agree with you, the "what if" will always be in the back of both of your minds and it will probably come up again.

As someone who was fine with 2 but wife was unsure, here were my two positions:
1. If we're going to end up doing it eventually, rather get it done sooner and move on from my baby making era
2. We might regret not having a 3rd, we'd never regret having a 3rd

My reasons are all mostly selfish. Kids have changed our relationship with each other and I feel like we have different views on this. I will always put her first because without 'us' there is no family. But she puts the kids first. I don't think either of us is wrong. I just want to get out of the childbearing phase ASAP I guess. And the thought of being in it for another 3-4 years doesn't really make me feel warm and fuzzy.

Then there's the logistical side of things which makes even less sense because our house isn't big enough to sustain 3, and our oldest won't start kindergarten until fall of 2024 so if we hurry up I'm paying a second mortgage for daycare. But if we wait then I prolong the above issue.

I was always "fine with none, okay with one, might as well have two" but I just feel a lot more strongly about three at this point.

Thanks for letting me be vulnerable FAF. I havent told anyone else this.

[NTP66]

I don’t think what you’re saying/feeling is unreasonable at all, and I was in the same mindset, for the most part. The more kids you have, the less likely you’re able to live the same lifestyle - which may or may not be an issue.

[skullman80]

How do you tell your wife you don't want (to try for) a third kid? Because mine seems to think I'm just joking. But really, I don't. I'm done. She's not.

I'll make this simple for you...

If your wife isn't 100% done having kids, you're having more kids my man.

The longer version:

Even if you "convince" her to agree with you, the "what if" will always be in the back of both of your minds and it will probably come up again.

As someone who was fine with 2 but wife was unsure, here were my two positions:
1. If we're going to end up doing it eventually, rather get it done sooner and move on from my baby making era
2. We might regret not having a 3rd, we'd never regret having a 3rd

My reasons are all mostly selfish. Kids have changed our relationship with each other and I feel like we have different views on this. I will always put her first because without 'us' there is no family. But she puts the kids first. I don't think either of us is wrong. I just want to get out of the childbearing phase ASAP I guess. And the thought of being in it for another 3-4 years doesn't really make me feel warm and fuzzy.

Then there's the logistical side of things which makes even less sense because our house isn't big enough to sustain 3, and our oldest won't start kindergarten until fall of 2024 so if we hurry up I'm paying a second mortgage for daycare. But if we wait then I prolong the above issue.

I was always "fine with none, okay with one, might as well have two" but I just feel a lot more strongly about three at this point.

Thanks for letting me be vulnerable FAF. I havent told anyone else this.

Nothing selfish about what you just said. Not that there is anything wrong with being selfish sometimes. Either way just sounds like you both need to sit down and talk it out. Easier said than done though.

[King Colby]

Normal feelings IMO.

You might want to consider getting in alignment with the Mrs. on the other things you just said, outside of the context of a 3rd kid. Seems like you guys are on uneven footing there and just need to figure out how you can work through it together then come back to the big life change discussions later.

[meow]

We were in agreement after having one boy then a girl that we were done. We also had the conversation that if either of us decide we are done with adding kids, we are done. We agreed it was more unfair to ask someone that didn’t want more to have more than to ask someone who wanted more to not have more.

[King Colby]

To be the best parents you can be requires you to be the best spouses you can be which requires you to be the best individual you can be. Getting/ giving yourself what you need as an individual is foundational.

[meow]

I wholeheartedly agree with that. Take care of yourself. Take care of your spouse. Take care of your kids. In that order.