5AF Parenting Thread

[NTP66]

Source of the post At a certain age, probably 10 or so, I started asking just to combine my Christmas and birthday gifts so I could pick out one big thing. In a way I'm culpable for that mishmash, I guess.

I'd be 100% cool with that if my daughter asked us. I think we're going to let her in on the Santa, Easter Bunny, etc, secret after this Christmas.

My wife is totally doing this when the time comes. I still remember the day I found out about Santa and it makes me sad thinking about what your daughter will think.

I'm trying to think about how it'd be if she found out herself. My wife may want to keep things as they are.

[obhave]

Did any parent in here that celebrates Christmas not do the Santa thing?

[count2infinity]

I did not want do the Santa thing… I think I mentioned here previously why I hated Santa as a kid. Santa gave gifts when you were good and didn’t when you were bad. I was a straight lace, by the books kid. I see all these ahole kids that are constantly in trouble and in general just suck get video games and remote control cars and awesome clothes and so on, and I got socks.

It was 1st or 2nd grade when I put two and two together that people with big houses and rich parents got awesome gifts from Santa, and me… one of 6 kids with one parent working and not much money got socks.

My wife and I compromised on one small present “from Santa”. The rest come from us.

[NTP66]

Source of the post My wife and I compromised on one small present “from Santa”. The rest come from us.

That's how we have always done it, and I wish more people did it that way, too.

[Beveridge]

Did any parent in here that celebrates Christmas not do the Santa thing?

My wife and I debated, but the Santa thing was so much fun for us as kids that we decided to embrace it.

I totally agree with C2I and NTP and we were leaning towards one gift from Santa and the rest from us, but ultimately decided that there are so few opportunities in life for innocent joy that we wanted to fully embrace the Con.

[shafnutz05]

Did any parent in here that celebrates Christmas not do the Santa thing?

My wife and I debated, but the Santa thing was so much fun for us as kids that we decided to embrace it.

I totally agree with C2I and NTP and we were leaning towards one gift from Santa and the rest from us, but ultimately decided that there are so few opportunities in life for innocent joy that we wanted to fully embrace the Con.

Yep. I loved the magic when I was a kid, you just have to be reasonable.

Honestly, the biggest issue for me every Christmas is my MiL buying way too many presents, often more than we do. My wife has had numerous conversations with her that it's completely over the top and excessive/wasteful.

[NTP66]

My sister is like that with her kids (and she wonders why she has no money). Her Christmas photo is them standing around just an absurd pile of presents. I bet the two of them got 8+ presents each.

[NTP66]

At my daughter's soccer game today, and the ref (young guy) missed 5 handballs during the game. Ball bounces off one of our player's shoulders, and he calls the handball. I apparently said 'that's the one you call?!' a little too loud, because coach looked over to me with the 'shhh' signal.

But seriously, you have one job, and it's not difficult.

[mac5155]

Friend of ours had a miscarriage last night at 11 weeks... Her second one. She's 38 and was doing IVF. I feel so bad for them. We were the only friends she had told about expecting because my wife dealt with similar infertility for a while. Sucks man.

[obhave]

Friend of ours had a miscarriage last night at 11 weeks... Her second one. She's 38 and was doing IVF. I feel so bad for them. We were the only friends she had told about expecting because my wife dealt with similar infertility for a while. Sucks man.

[CBear3]

Friend of ours had a miscarriage last night at 11 weeks... Her second one. She's 38 and was doing IVF. I feel so bad for them. We were the only friends she had told about expecting because my wife dealt with similar infertility for a while. Sucks man.

My heart goes out to them. I cannot imagine how much pain they're in.

[skullman80]

Friend of ours had a miscarriage last night at 11 weeks... Her second one. She's 38 and was doing IVF. I feel so bad for them. We were the only friends she had told about expecting because my wife dealt with similar infertility for a while. Sucks man.

[NTP66]

As somebody who also went through both fertility treatment as well as a miscarriage, I feel for them. That’s just awful.

[mac5155]

Yeah. We offered condolences. My wife texts her every year the day she lost the last one. I hope it means a lot to them. Was thinking about getting a sympathy card or flowers. Idk what to even do to make them feel like they aren't in it alone

[King Colby]

Source of the post At a certain age, probably 10 or so, I started asking just to combine my Christmas and birthday gifts so I could pick out one big thing. In a way I'm culpable for that mishmash, I guess.

I'd be 100% cool with that if my daughter asked us. I think we're going to let her in on the Santa, Easter Bunny, etc, secret after this Christmas.

My wife is totally doing this when the time comes. I still remember the day I found out about Santa and it makes me sad thinking about what your daughter will think.

Why does it have to be an active conversation? She will figure it out...

[King Colby]

Yeah. We offered condolences. My wife texts her every year the day she lost the last one. I hope it means a lot to them. Was thinking about getting a sympathy card or flowers. Idk what to even do to make them feel like they aren't in it alone

Just be there I guess. My sister in law recently had one (IVF) and is about to have another transfer but there isn't a ton of optimism. Couldn't imagine being in her shoes watching her two sisters have 4 and 3 kids respectively without a single issue. Sometimes I feel bad sending pics of mine and stuff

[Nuge]

It’s a hard subject to know how to handle. My wife has had three in a row. While she appreciated the sentiment when people would send things like cards, it actually made it harder for her.

[obhave]

I know people talk about being more open about miscarriages and taking away the stigma, but for me I was happy I didn't tell anyone I was pregnant the first time around except my husband, mom, and sister. It limited the amount of people I had to interact with about it and I could handle the grief in my own way. It was harder to talk about it at the time because it was also hard for me to grasp grieving for something that could have been (don't know if that make sense). But it helped when I had to get my D&C how casual the nurses were talking about their miscarriages, they didn't know me and that helped normalize it. Again, grief is weird.

But I'm also someone who doesn't tell people when family members pass away, because grief is very private to me. And I hate having to respond to "let me know what I can do" "thoughts and prayers" type things.

[NTP66]

We didn't tell anyone about my wife's miscarriage. I honestly don't even think we told our families. The last thing my wife would have wanted was to hear condolences, etc., and the same went for me.

[eddy]

Source of the post My wife and I compromised on one small present “from Santa”. The rest come from us.

That's how we have always done it, and I wish more people did it that way, too.

This is the way

[meow]

That’s how we do it too. I ain’t giving credit to some made up fat dodint.

[meow]

Miscarriages are a tricky subject. I tend to not overthink it, say I’m sorry and move on. It’s just so far out of everyone’s control. They suck

[mac5155]

It’s a hard subject to know how to handle. My wife has had three in a row. While she appreciated the sentiment when people would send things like cards, it actually made it harder for her.

Yeah. It's one of those things that like do you really want to remind them or not. I don't know.

[CBear3]

Yep, Santa brings one present per kid, although its typically a larger present. Like the hamster was from Santa, because Dad would never agree to another pet kind of thing.


As for miscarriages, my SIL had one at basically 8 months. I almost think that's easier. He had his "normal" newborn photoshoot after the C-Section, he was able to be given a burial, he was large enough to hold as though he'd had a normal delivery and was just asleep. The depth of the sadness is still immeasurable, but I feel like looking back 12 years later being able to replicate those experiences probably helped process some of the grief. Every year we talk on his bday, and she'll actually bring her two kids to the grave site now.

[Nuge]

Yep, Santa brings one present per kid, although its typically a larger present. Like the hamster was from Santa, because Dad would never agree to another pet kind of thing.


As for miscarriages, my SIL had one at basically 8 months. I almost think that's easier. He had his "normal" newborn photoshoot after the C-Section, he was able to be given a burial, he was large enough to hold as though he'd had a normal delivery and was just asleep. The depth of the sadness is still immeasurable, but I feel like looking back 12 years later being able to replicate those experiences probably helped process some of the grief. Every year we talk on his bday, and she'll actually bring her two kids to the grave site now.

That would be immeasurably harder for me. Out of the three my wife has had, the one that went the furthest (about 12 weeks) was the toughest. The first one was ectopic which was scary for a whole other host of reasons. The third one was around 8 weeks and even that small difference in time made it somewhat easier.